The last few weeks I have been talking about the healing we need to mend our broken relationships with our Mothers.
I am speaking from the daughter perspective but I am also speaking as a Mother and as someone who counsels, coaches and mentors people spiritually I want to always be able to offer solution based conversation.
It is important to be able to process, have dialogue, share and get things off of our chest but at the end of the day you must leave the conversation changed for the better. There must be transformation and for that you have to get down and dirty when healing is the goal.
Here are 5 steps to begin to move towards healing your relationship with your mother.
1. Compassion - before we can even form our lips to forgive our mothers, the heart must first be tender. Let me ask you, would you trade places with your mother? Would you raise you? Put yourself in her shoes and just feel into who she was, is and the experiences that shaped the way she deals with you. You may not ever understand the why, the who or the what but knowing that you are here because of her, regardless of what resources were available or not available, I ask you to begin to cultivate compassion for your mother.
2. Affirm - I shared a video in the private fb group about the choice we have in affirming ourselves as victims or affirming our divinity. As I meditated on this, it seems like in every thought, every word, every action we are coming from a place of weakness or strength. You can test it out by observing yourself and the decisions you make. What you say as well as what you don't say.
Why is this important in healing your mother relationship? Because you can feel like a victim in the shadow of your mothers actions. She's bigger, older, stronger. She is your elder, she is your mother and you will always be her child, no matter your age, you can feel powerless. You can feel like you have no say or rights in this relationship.
I want you to make the decision right here, right now to claim your birthright and begin to affirm yourself as powerful beyond measure. You are nobody's victim and you can reclaim your time, your power and your gifts from where you may have left them, including in at the base of a broken relationship with your mother.
Affirm your good. See yourself as blessed and highly favored, no matter, no matter, no matter what it looks like. As you begin to make decisions from a place of power you begin to move up the mountain and this is where you need to be for healing.
3. Mountaintop Perspective - This gives you the highest view around! High vibrations, high frequency. This means when she (or anyone for that matter) goes low, you understand that it is her pain speaking. It is her hurt that she is acting out of and it's real easy to say "it wasn't me that did it" and demand that your mother treat you better or else. Having a Mountaintop perspectives means that you know that there is God in everything and you will think, speak and act from that knowing! You are no longer a victim, you have affirmed your divinity and can now make decisions out of compassion. Not fear, not anger, not resentment or frustration. You also honor yourself by setting boundaries and not overstepping your boundaries or acting outside of your lane while in the healing process with your mother.
4. Seek, Speak, Feel, See (visualization and imagery) - Seek the good in your mother, in the relationship that you have. Look for it, it's there. Speak the good that you don't see, speak it into existence. Use the creative power of your speech to say good and wonderful things. Feel the love you have for her, allow it to grow and expand all over your body and extend it to her. From your heart to her heart. Let the love in you meet the love in her. Feel that love strengthening your bond. See and visualize you and your mother laughing and having good times. Cooking together, watching a movie together. Sitting at the kitchen table having tea, connecting. This is imagery that you can use on your own while meditating and praying for your relationship. Behold and know that God makes all things new!
5. You First - You heal first. You have the mountain top perspective first. You have compassion for yourself first. You forgive yourself first. Before you can ask anyone to heal or join you in making a relationship better, you must take responsibility to do the inner work first. Now if you disagree with this then go back to number 3 and get that mountaintop perspective. If this triggers you, you may not be ready to get down and dirty! Because thats what down and dirty really means, taking responsibility for your own healing so that you can then support your mother in her healing. Don't see it as "She's the mother, I didn't ask to be here!" I want you to take the position of you hold the possibility for healing because you can. She can't and if she could then she would have but she didn't and now it's up to you but first you must have the inner wellspring of love, compassion and forgiveness to pull from in order to hold the space for the relationship to mend, heal and grow. When you begin to hold that space for your mother, please know that I am over here in Brooklyn, holding that healing space for you!
Namaste Beautiful One!
P.S - I am offering 60 minute complimentary generational healing sessions using therapeutic guided imagery modalities and intuitive intelligence modalities. Until the end of May. Schedule an appointment with me here: https://calendly.com/jill-flowers