Raising Fear

Dear Black Mother;

Are you like me?

You believe you are safe, your family is safe, you know that God has you. You are protected by an unwavering faith, supported by a prayer, affirmation and meditation life that leaves you feeling good and that you're doing the right thing. But there's something that feels unsteady. A little discomfort that you push down because if you let it, you know it will over take you. And then something shows up on your timeline, people are talking about it, it's on the news and you wonder if you have done enough to keep your Black children safe.

Are you like me?

Do you know you create your world and can live boldly from that place of knowing or do you feel powerless and decide to ignore what's going on around you because you feel you have no control.

We have been seen on the news, Mothers of Black sons` crying our eyes out, hearts broken and still they kill another Black Manchild . We have fainted and could not speak and still they kill another Black Man Child. We wrote open letters and aligned with celebrities and politicians, still they kill our children. We create movements and march, we write books and create legislation. But what does it all mean on a dark night when your son reaches for his cell phone to let someone know he's been stopped by the police and will be late arriving home.

I had been thinking about this blog post for about a week before I sat down to write it. The day that I thought I would write it, I went out to meet someone and while sitting in my parked car another car pulled up along side me. I was writing at the time and didn't pay much attention but then I saw the blue and red lights reflecting in my rear view mirror and realized that the car next to me had been pulled over. The police were right by my drivers side window as the car had pulled up very close to me with windows almost side by side with my own. I could see into the car. I could see the police officers.

The officer on the cars driver side looked at me and I looked at him. I was watching if there was any aggression, hands on guns, tone of voice. I thought if I get out of this car right now I could actually startle them and create a situation. There was a dark olive toned young man in the car, possibly East Indian but dressed urban NYC style. I noticed he had a car seat in the back. He was very relaxed and you'll never guess what he did? He reached for his cell phone and called someone. Then he stayed on the phone while the cops approached and stood at his car, he just handed them his license while still on the phone.

I thought, am I crazy? Am I seeing things? The cop took his phone but was told by the other officer to give it back. They went back to their vehicle to check his license. So of course I asked the guy if there was a baby in the car, There was not. I asked him if he was ok. He said yes. I asked him why was he stopped and he said they told him he was speeding. Which would have been a special feat given the amount of traffic on Broadway in Bushwick Brooklyn. I just said "Oh yeah, but you ok though? " He told me they stop him all of the time, he was good. All of the time???

No Dear you're not fine? And in true deep reflection form, I could not help but wonder if I had attracted this experience.

The question is, if I did really attract that experience through the study and contemplation of this months Black Women's Healing Circle topic: Healing Fear. Then, aren't I the Creator of it? and if I am it's Creator then doesn't that give me the power?

This is what we will be doing in this months experiential Healing Circle. Exploring the fear that has been handed down from generation to generation, we will call up our medicine and we will heal the legacy of fear and transmute it. The work we will do is forgiveness, realm work and spiritual healing.

This is the first BWHC Ancestral and Generational healing offering. Please see details here: https://jillflowershealinghistoryhealingblacksons.eventbrite.com

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